New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
