When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
