I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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