I want you more than these girls want KFC
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize