New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
