he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
