i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
