i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
