Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
