Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
