i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
