Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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