yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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