it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
