Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
