Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I need to stop coming to work sober
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
