I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
