When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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