She said her name was "party"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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