I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
