u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
