Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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