we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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