Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
