i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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