Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
