all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
