hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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