How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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