I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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