woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
