also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
