I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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