Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
