Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
