he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize