It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
