Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
