he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize