Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
