It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
