Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
