What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
