Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize