I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
