Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
