now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
