captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
