I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
