I'm going to jail i love you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
