Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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