Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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