everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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