if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
