Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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