Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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