I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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