If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
