i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
