I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
