That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
