he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize