This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
