Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will pee on everything he values.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
