I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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